The holidays are often thought of as a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for many parents who are grieving a loss—whether of a loved one, a relationship, or even the life they once knew—this season can feel overwhelming and isolating. Grief doesn’t take a break for the holidays, and navigating it can be especially challenging when the world around you seems to be celebrating.

On September 30th, 2021, we lost my husband and my children’s father. Not only is my daughter’s birthday just a few days later, on October 4th, but the holidays soon follow, making this time of year especially challenging. It was a tremendous struggle—and, at times, still is. There were moments when I felt completely numb and wanted to do nothing at all. But I knew I had to keep going for my kids. I couldn’t let every birthday remind my daughter of the day her dad passed away, nor could I let the holidays feel like they had stopped just because he wasn’t here. Instead, I knew I had to find ways to honor and incorporate their dad into these special times—celebrating him in a new way while still creating joyful memories. I understand how hard it can be to pick yourself up and find reasons to celebrate during times of grief, but I also know that doing so can help us heal, even if just a little bit at a time.

If you’re navigating grief during the holiday season, please know that you’re not alone. It’s a difficult journey, but there are ways to honor your loved one while still supporting your family. Here’s a guide to help you through this challenging time and find meaningful ways to celebrate, even in the midst of sorrow.

Acknowledge Your Grief

The first and most important step is to give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. Grief can be complicated, and during the holidays, emotions may come in waves. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even numbness, and all of those emotions are valid. Trying to push them away or pretend that everything is fine can make the process of healing even harder.

Allow yourself space to grieve, whether that means crying, being silent, or taking a moment for reflection. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and it’s okay to feel a range of emotions.

Communicate with Your Children

If you have children, it’s important to talk to them about grief in a way that feels appropriate for their age and understanding. Children often pick up on emotional cues, even if they don’t fully understand what’s going on. Being honest with them about your feelings can create an atmosphere of openness and help them feel less isolated in their own emotions.

• Keep it simple: For younger children, use simple, clear language. Explain that grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s okay to feel sad or confused.
• Encourage them to express themselves: Let your children know that it’s okay to feel sad or miss the person or thing you’ve lost. Encourage them to share their feelings, whether it’s through talking, drawing, or even writing letters.
• Be a model: Show them that it’s okay to express grief by doing so yourself. Seeing you acknowledge your emotions will give them permission to do the same.

Set Realistic Expectations

The holidays often come with a set of expectations—traditions to uphold, celebrations to attend, and social gatherings to enjoy. But if you’re grieving, those expectations can feel overwhelming. It’s important to give yourself permission to step back from some of these obligations. This could mean:

• Skipping certain events if they feel too difficult.
• Cutting down on holiday decorations or traditions that might amplify your grief.
• Saying no to invitations when you need time to recharge.

Remember that there’s no “right” way to do the holidays. If traditions feel too painful, it’s okay to modify them or even skip them altogether this year. Your needs matter most.

Create New Traditions

While it can be painful to let go of old traditions, creating new ones can help make the holidays feel a little more manageable. These new traditions can honor your grief while still finding a way to celebrate life. Some ideas might include:

• Lighting a special candle in memory of your loved one.
• Starting a holiday volunteer tradition to give back in a way that feels meaningful. This Volunteering & Giving directory has many to choose from.
• Preparing a meal or engaging in an activity that was shared with the person you lost, but with a new twist.

Creating new traditions can give your family a sense of control over the season, helping to reframe the holiday experience in a way that feels more healing.

Take Care of Yourself

Grieving during the holidays takes a lot of emotional and physical energy. Be mindful of self-care in whatever form feels right for you. Whether it’s ensuring you get enough rest, exercising to relieve stress, or taking time for yourself away from the hustle and bustle, prioritize activities that replenish you.

• Practice mindfulness: Take time each day to center yourself. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath or sitting in silence for a few minutes.
• Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a counselor who can provide emotional support. Being surrounded by understanding people can make a huge difference.
• Lean into your faith: If spirituality is part of your life, find comfort in prayer, meditation, or community gatherings that align with your beliefs.

Taking care of your mental and physical health is crucial when you’re grieving, especially during the busy and often overwhelming holiday season.

Honor the Person You’ve Lost

If the loss you’re grieving is related to the death of a loved one, finding ways to honor their memory can be a therapeutic part of the holiday process. You might choose to:

• Share stories about them with your children or loved ones.
• Donate to a charity in their memory.
• Visit their gravesite or create a memorial space at home with photos, mementos, or meaningful items.

These small but significant acts of remembrance can help you feel connected to the person you’ve lost, even as you navigate the sadness of their absence.

Consider Professional Help

Grief can be an incredibly complex and heavy emotion. If you find that your grief is becoming too difficult to manage, seeking professional support can be a beneficial step. A grief counselor, therapist, or support group can offer guidance on how to process your emotions, while also providing a safe space to talk about your feelings. 

Many families also find it helpful to attend therapy together to navigate grief as a unit. If you’re feeling unsure, it’s always a good idea to consult with a professional who specializes in grief.

Please use our Support Groups & Resources and Counselors, Psychologists, & Therapists directories to aid in your search, if professional support is needed.

Allow Yourself to Experience Joy

It might seem impossible to feel joy while grieving, but it’s important to remember that joy and grief can coexist. You don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying moments of happiness during the holidays. Whether it’s laughing at a holiday movie, enjoying a special meal with your family, or simply appreciating a moment of peace, these moments can offer a small sense of relief in the midst of sorrow.

Grief is a journey, and it doesn’t have to overshadow every part of your holiday season. It’s okay to allow yourself to experience both sorrow and joy, and to know that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding a way to carry the memory of your loved one while moving forward with your life.

Managing grief during the holidays is undeniably difficult, but it’s possible to find healing in small moments. By giving yourself permission to feel your emotions, communicating openly with your children, and adjusting your expectations, you can honor your grief while also finding ways to cope. Take care of yourself, and remember that this season doesn’t have to look the same as it once did. It can be a time of healing, remembrance, and even finding joy again.

Above all, be kind to yourself—grief doesn’t have a timeline, and the holidays don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be real.